Soga King and the Big Pirate ADVENTURE!
by Newoaf
Summary: (CHAPTER 4 IS OUT) I don't watch/read One Piece, and I barely know anything about it, so it seemed the only logical thing to do was write a fanfiction, and, by golly, that's what I did.
1. Chapter 1: FUCKING SHIT!

Soga King and the big pirate adventure! () 

CHAPTER 1

One day Luffy had to go to the doctor because he stretched out too hard. "Even pirates have to go to the doctor" said Chopper the fucking moose. Just then the goddamn Soga King burst through the fucking wall "Evil is afoot!" he declared with increasing volume. But Luffy didn't listen because his ears stretched too much and he couldn't hear, Chopper couldn't hear because antlers aren't ears. Anyway, so Sanji was smoking a fag and kicking and shit on a pirate ship when suddenly Blackbeard burst out of a crate and chopped Sanji's fucking dick off. "Ow, what the hell man?" he said. Just then Bowser came in his airship "Holy shit, it's Bowser!" said Sanji, then he died from blood-loss, because his dick was chopped off. As he died, he shouted out "Luffy, use your haki!". "Blackbeard!" Bowser yelled, "I have waited a long time for this fight!" "Me too." Blackbeard replied and then they started punching each other. Meanwhile, back at the hospital, Nurse Joy was working on Luffy and she discovered something TERRIBLE "Luffy, I'm afraid you have prostate cancer from stretching so far." She said. Then, Chopper asked "What's going on?" but nobody understood him because he's a fucking moose and moose can't talk. Meanwhile again, Bowser was fighting Blackbeard until Bowser got bored with fighting and decided to breath fire on Blackbeard, which killed him. This, however was a hate crime, because, contrary to popular belief Blackbeard is not actually a large white man with a beard, and is actually a black guy named Beard, hence why he is called Blackbeard. "You're going to jail for a long time, Bowser!" said the police, "FUCK!" said Bowser. TO BE CONTINUED…..WILL CHOPPER EVER NOT BE A MOOSE, WILL THE SOGA KING EVER DEFEAT HIS ARCH RIVAL AND GET THE GIRL? FIND OUT IN CHAPTER TWOOOOOOo!11111111111111


	2. Chapter 2: Crime-stoppers Jr

SOGA KING CHAPTER 2

Suddenly, Zolo woke up and had to use the bathroom "I've gotta piss wicked bad" he said. So, he got up and walked to the toilet. When Zoro entered the bathroom, he realized he was in space. "Shit, this isn't the ocean!" he shouted, but nobody heard him because there isn't any sound in space. Just then, Meanwhile, Zeo was at home paying his taxes when the Soga King kicked down his door. "Hey, Soga King!" Zeo said, excitedly "long time no see!". "Great to see you again, old pal!" said the Soga King, and they kissed (no homo). Anyway, I'm getting lazy so I'm just gonna tell you what happens at this part. So, basically, the motherfucking Soga King comes to Zeo with a proposition, he wants them to become freelance detectives. Zeo, being the wise man that he is says "FUCK YEAH NIGGA" and they hi-fucking-five each other like FUCKING BROS! *put a montage here so by the time it's done they're officially freelance detectives* "Wow, I'm so glad we're finally freelance detectives after all of that hard work and training that we had to do!" said Zeo. "Yeah, it took us fucking MONTHS to get where we are now." the Soga King replied. So, they hired Whitebeard to be their lawyer and that hot redhead with the big tits (I think her name is Nami) to be their secretary. Just then, they got a call on their phone. Nami, the secretary answered the phone "Hello, you've reached the office of Zeo and the Soga King, plea-" "GET OUT OF THE WAY YOU FUCKING BITCH! STOP TALKING! THERE'S BEEN A MURDER!" (she was interrupted) "We're on our way!" said Zeo and the fucking Soga King, and they rushed out the door. "Wait!" shouted Nami "I never told you where the murder was!" but it was too late, they had already gotten out of there really fast like Sonic. Meanwhile, Luffy died of prostate cancer, and Chopper was sad. "We're here at the murder!" said Zeo and Soga King at the exact same fucking time, but there was no body, it was another practical joke played by Peeves the Poltergeist. "Peeeeeeeeeeeves!" whined the goddamn motherfucking bitchslapping Soga King. Zeo looked up into the sky just in time to see a toilet falling from outer space, "LOOK OUT, GUYS!" he shouted, but the Soga King used his telekinetic powers to throw the toilet into a nearby building, causing only one casualty. "Look!" said Zeo pointing over to where the toilet fell "There's a dead body over there! Looks like we've got a murder on our hands, boys!"… "I'm getting too old for this job" said the Soga King. By the way, Zorlo probably died, because he was in space without a space suit…. what a moron, amirite? FIND OUT SHIT NEXT CHAPTER END OF CHAPTER 2 GOODBYE YES


	3. Chapter 3: Whitebeard: Ace Attorney

**It's CHAPTER 3:**

PREVIOUSLY ON ONE SOGA KING AND ZEO STOP CRIME PIECE: They solved the murder, but not really. Now, present time. "I know just who the murderer was… it was… Hoodie Jones!" Zeo exclaimed. "I knew that little hoodie-wearing shit was bad news!" said the Soga King (author's note: apparently his name is supposed to be spelled "Sogeking" but that's fucking retarded) Aaaaaaaaaanyway, they called the police and Hoodie Jones was put in a holding cell."WHITEBEARD! WE NEED YOUR LEGAL EXPERTISE, STAT!" shouted the Soga King at the top of his fucking lungs. Whitebeard rocketed to the scene of the crime, and was there within seconds. "Hmmmmmm, we'll have to take this to court." Whitebeard said, thoughtfully. So they did. THE TRIAL: Whitebeard and his faithful assistant Nami sit in court, waiting for the trial to begin, suddenly, and there's an explosion (oh wait, this isn't in the proper tense, sorry) suddenly, there was an explosion, and prosecutor Don Krieg was on the scene, with his client, Hoodie Jones, loud rock music blared in the background. "Sorry I'm late, gentleman." Don Krieg said as he straightened his tie "The wife was being a bitch as usual. You know how women are, what with periods and such." THE WHOLE COURT FUCKING LAUGHED AT THIS, BUT HE WASN'T KIDDING. "All rise!" said The Judge "court is now in session, please stand for our national anthem". He tried to press the national anthem button, but it was broken and wouldn't play, so they didn't get to sing it. "Okay, nevermind, start doing court" he said with a sigh. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury" Whitebeard began "I stand before you today to prove, once and for all, that Mr. Hoodie Jones, is nothing more than a murderer. With that, I call my first witness to the stand, Mrs. Boa Hancock, the victim. Mrs. Hancock, would you please explain exactly what you saw to the court?" but she didn't say anything, because she was fucking dead. "HA-HA-HA! Looks like your witness is practicing her fifth amendment right, and not FUCKING TALKING!" Don Krieg laughed "Now it's my turn, I call Luffy's mentally retarded brother, Ace, to the stand!" said Don Krieg AGAIN. "Auwh me bwothar is ded an me am sad" said Ace. "Now, Ace, if you tell me exactly what happened at the scene of the crime, you'll get a gold star on your helmet." Don Krieg continued. "Well-" Ace started, but then he fell asleep. "HA-HA-HA! Looks like your witness is sleeping on the job!" Whitebeard chuckled "I call my next witness, Chopper the fucking moose!" Chopper went up to the stand, but he's a moose, and they can't talk. "HA-HA-HA! Looks like your witness is a moose!" chortled Don Krieg. "GRRRR, THAT DON KRIEG, I'LL SHOW HIM!" Whitebeard yelled under his breath. WELL, I'M DONE WRITING FOR NOW, WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN NEXT? I don't fucking know, I'll figure it out later, go away. 


	4. Chapter 4: Turnabout Depression

SOga king chapter 4 (written on my phone)

in our last episode they were in court, well, it turns out Whitebeard lost the case, and Hoodie Jones went free. Let's see what happens next::::

As the jury shuffled out of the courtroom, Whitebeard's heart sunk. "I-I lost..." he said, under his breath. With that, he abruptly got up and ran to the main doors. "Whitebeard!" Nami shouted, running after him. Whitebeard got out to the parking lot where he curled up in a ball and began to cry. Nami walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace. "I just don't know where I went wrong." Whitebeard sobbed. "There there" Nami said "You can't win em' all.". Whitebeard turned around, tears glistening beneath his eyes "Nami" he croaked "you... you don't understand, I've never lost a case before." and with that, he took off. "Whitebeard, wait!" Nami shouted, but it was too late, Whitebeard had already left.

Back at the office, The Soga King and Zeo were playing a game of air hockey when, suddenly, their phone rang. "I'll get it!" said Zeo, and he rushed to answer the phone. However, before he could pick it up, Nami burst through the door, panting. "Guys, we've got a problem!" she said, as she leaned the back of her head against the door, exhausted. "What's wrong, Nami?" asked The Soga King. "Whitebeard lost the case..." she began "Damn..." The Soga King sighed. "That's not all..." continued Nami "after he lost he just... broke down, I've never seen him like that before. I'd tried to comfort him, but he just ran off! Now he's probably lost, and scared, and I don't know what to do." Nami began to sob. "Hey, it's not your fault, Nami, you did all you could." The Soga King said tenderly, patting her on the back. "Soga King, hold my coat" Zeo said "I think I know where he is.". The Soga King got up "Are you sure, Zeo?" he asked. "I've got a pretty good hunch, yeah." replied Zeo. "Alright then" The Soga King said as he put on his hat. "LET'S GO FIND US A FUCKING PIRATE!"

Whitebeard was walking along the sidewalk, when, suddenly, he heard a noise. "H-hello?" Whitebeard stammered. "Hello, Whitebeard." a mysterious voice whispered.

To Be Continued...


End file.
